Darkness

a while ago i wrote a text thinking it summarized my notion on the subject of enlightenment. it was composed in the purpose of performing it as part of a musical concert. actually reading it out before the music began. since i have stopped attempting to express my self in English and have only written in Hebrew, a language i feel is more adaptable to my inner life experience. a life of conflict. between what is and what is not yet.

the link to you tube video of the performance:

Enlightened

In the beginning there was light, only light and nothing else.
Nothing else but light is where the beginning becomes the end and light is understood as darkness. The darkness is not empty but rather the opposite. It is black from meaning and holds within it the light that it yields to and thus creation has begun.

In the dark is where eyes are met with blindness, a blindness that brings to light the origin of love.

Eyes can see through the light but it is the dark that is being lit. The light is the way to encounter life but it is the darkness that holds within it the meaning. The meaning is not a color but a reason. It is with reason that color can be. It is the darkness that light can see.

Spirit through light is love and spirit through darkness is truth.

Truth is where love can grow and for truth to glow their must be belief. Belief cannot be found with the experience of looking at light but only with the experience of staring in darkness being embraced and conquered by light.

The reason is never changing and it’s meaning is love. Our love is the reason with which we believe. A belief that will disappear when the truth ends its reason to hide.

A starting point has started to ask for reasons to end its roll as a starting point and proceed to the everlasting title as above.

There is darkness strongly rooted in the heart of A man’s love.

so lets try to say something about this. first it isn’t easy for me to watch or listen to this. i can see my difficulty in trying to correspond my music to an audience. earlier that day i practiced on my own and found it extremely releasing as i could easily move and transform the music to fit how i felt. but here in front of a live audience i meet an inner wall. it stops me from performing freely and grounds me to my most inner fears and pains. i can see it on the video how hard it is for me to accept my lack of experience or general feeling of being loved or even wanted. it all seems to be an out cry for help.